• Search low hemoglobin online
• Begin knowing about what’s inside of you a little (history of salisemia) TWO HOURS OR SO!
• Gym every night until Gunawon returns on the 28th (to kill time / energy & get fit)
• If your will to live is absent, this is because you’ve stopped indulging in the INNOCENT & Simple Joys that used to uphold your now frayed smungut...Will is not required to live...Just as adrenaline is both the product and the CAUSE of action...Perhaps everyone makes their first move out of boredom...& gradually, smungut snowball.
• Sleep Helmet.
• Could go to Tana Abang with Dewi – beli cheapo foods & pack the insect-coated refridgerator
• Steal an orchid from the Intercon bathrooms (& begin cultivating it in your bedroom)
• Bring the art back. Your ‘Muslim Woman’ series would be hilarious. Would be great to see your strange idea of the duck’s head you invisioned on the transcanada highway near Kelowna. Make the move out of boredom. (Find where you can buy a huge-ass canvas)
• Once you’ve restored (regroved) you’ll know...Once you find your way back to the beach...(does regroving oneself require time travel? What transformed time’s voice – a sheer cliff of petrofide wood to the sound of an electric guitar being played with a violin bow – into the mere abstraction that it is for you, today?
• Andre & the proposal & the sejuta you don’t have.
• Dono & the helicopter & the money, see above statement.
• You know it’s an awful lot easier than you think. Stop imagining that it’s hard. Don’t put success so far away. You overshoot it. You aim higher than you even WANT to achieve. You know very well that if you planted a flower (though you’re over 6 ft & 120 Kilos)...how it would occupy your every emotion (for some time!)
• DVD barang-barang & Kamera servis


(after youthful curiosity has passed)

the first move is made out of memories of rewards...
...Silence in a room is broken: “Do you want to play chess?”
& you both agree that what follows mutual concent is usually a good thing,
& so the effort seems worth it...& even the chance of the game not being worth it...is worth it...

By booting the intricate fibers of your memory,
You taste the paralyzed moth of a past experience (in your cobbed web),
& it urqes you on with a: ‘Hey you know it won’t be amazing, but it could be good.’
...Which is reason enough for the two of you to close off all
Other doors of chance explosions &
Louder & more obvious entertainments...

Memory allows the effect of reward or punishment to spill over and come before the cause...& so memory should be enough to pinch your adrenaline gland & get things started...

But these days how long I can lie in bed & while laying there, I’m not sure if I’m racking my memory for a reason to get acting or if I’m ignoring all my memories to get acting – or a futile, secular, infinite cycle of doing both ignoring & discovering ideas like islands in the archipelago...endlessly sifting through sand for something more than a dollar.

Something more than a dollar, precisely.


Before the Chinese (that they never fully shook), before the Dutch (from which many apple strudle recipes still remain) and before the Japanese (who came for Bandung and found that, in anticipation of their arrival, the Indonesians had already burned their former capital city down)...There was more to Indonesia than more to pity.

But pity is a foreign import, a foreign novelty, and doesn’t survive among most (before the carrier is banished from his or her circle)...

What can I write that is important?

Lately I’ve been trying to believe in magic – just because – if I try, then my room doesn’t seem so empty...Believing that David Coperfield is not just a trained professional immediately makes me feel animism, the charged potential of my chesterfield, the sky, the vivid...Unfortunately, magic was not the yolk of my egg...Instead, a sickfilled, cradle-to-grave rationality was. I lapse back into my numbness, no time to smell the flowers, ‘important to have goals’...heaven forbid you should achieve them.
I read an article that said that it’s important to breathe deeply a few times a day. This article was among the many that urged my awareness...Of how your girlfriend does her makeup and what it really ‘means’, of illegal logging in Timur, of Pamela Anderson’s refusal to star in movies that feature dogs (due to her naive perspective on animal cruelty in first world countries)...I breathe deeply at least once a day, I believe in David Copperfield and the solidarity of my dresser once a day...I read a lot and am aware of a lot only as I read it – and only curiosities make it into my schedule.